if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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