you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
