you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize