god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
