Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
