I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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