I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
