Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
