Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
