my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
