does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
