so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
