The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
