just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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