Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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