ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize