i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
too bad you live with your parents still
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
