One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
