hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
