My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
