Jerry, you need to find god
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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