He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
