I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
