First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
