I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
