Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize