so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
