I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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