I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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