Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I will pee on everything he values.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
