i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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