Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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