There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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