that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
