i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
