i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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