next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
