just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize