I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
