Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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