My first STD was from a foam party
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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