So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
