i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm really busy with my period
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