The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
