how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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