On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize