I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
