every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
