dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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