I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
