id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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