yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
