Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
