I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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