I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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