he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
