im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I need to stop coming to work sober
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
