It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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