Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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