I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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