mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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