did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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