just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
