i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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