he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
