Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
