I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
