Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
