the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
