you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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