No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
