Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize