Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
