i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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