Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
