You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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